Yutaka's Picks
by Satan Abraham
Summary: Yutaka has dared Shinji to ask out three girls in their class - three girls that he most definitely did not want to ask out. [oneshot] [rated t for language] [non/pre-program] [manga!verse, it's shinji]


"Ooh!" Yutaka said, clapping his hands together once. "I've _got_ it. Shinji Mimura, I dare you to ask out three girls in our class."

"That's easy, little man," Shinji said, leaning back in his chair and scoping out his prospects. He'd probably go after Chigusa just on principle, because he wanted to _get_ to her, damn it, and then-

"Ones that _I_ pick," Yutaka said, grinning, and Shinji let the front legs of his chair hit the ground. Yutaka giggled. "And I've picked. I want you to ask out- drumroll, please."

Even though Yutaka was possibly asking him to kill his social life, Shinji obliged.

" _Your_ lucky lady _number_ one is…" Yutaka paused, and Shinji heightened the drumroll. " _Hirono Shimizu!"_

Shinji opened his mouth, complaints already piling up, but Yutaka held up his hand. Damn it, he was into it now.

" _And_ for number _two…"_ Yutaka twirled his hand, and Shinji kept up the drumroll. " _Mizuho Inada!"_

Shinji groaned, the drumroll halting for the first time. " _Really?_ Dungeons & Dragons girl? You've gotta be-"

" _Number three!"_ Yutaka said, and Shinji dutifully started the drumroll again. "Our very own… Kaori Minami!"

Shinji's head hit the desk. Yutaka patted his gelled spikes gently. "Come on. And record it, too, I want to hear what they say."

…

OBJECTIVE ONE: HIRONO SHIMIZU

Shinji pressed record on the small tape recorder he'd grabbed from home before leaving for school and sighed. "Yutaka, when I'm done with this…"

He let out a slew of curse words and straightened himself. Hirono Shimizu would probably be behind the school smoking, hopefully without Souma and Yahagi, but more likely with them. He wondered if he could pass on the other two if he scored a date with Shimizu. Not that he really cared about any of these girls' feelings, but because he cared about _his_ feelings, and he really didn't want to talk to Inada and Minami.

Just like he'd figured, she was out back smoking. Souma was talking about something, her body elongated in a way that caused the pants to constrict painfully on any man who happened to walk by, and both Shimizu and Yahagi were listening intently.

Well, he had to get it over with somehow.

"Hey, Shimizu!" Shinji called from a relatively safe distance. Shimizu glanced up, confused, and Souma met Shinji's eyes. She laughed and pointed him out to Shimizu, who put out her cigarette, affixed a scowl on her face, and headed over to him.

"What?" she asked.

"There's a new place opening up," Shinji said. "Today's opening night-"

"I know, we're going to hang out outside," Shimizu said. Shinji resisted the impulse to roll his eyes and ran a hand through his hair.

"Want to come inside? I can get you inside."

"No," Shimizu said. "If I'm going to have sex with a douchebag, I at least want to get paid for it."

She turned around and walked straight back to her friends, and Shinji sighed. It wasn't like he'd really been expecting a favorable response, but he'd been feeling a little optimistic.

…

OBJECTIVE TWO: MIZUHO INADA

Unlike Shimizu, Inada was alone when Shinji came upon her. She was sitting down, a notebook with an illegible scrawl tearing across the pages, muttering to herself. He sighed, turned on the tape recorder again, and walked up.

She didn't look up at his footsteps, and he cleared his throat. She still didn't look up, and then he sighed again and spoke.

"Hey, Inada."

She looked up slowly at this, a slight haze over her eyes. She blinked a few times, and it cleared. "Mimura?"

"Yeah," Shinji said. He pulled a chair out from the desk in front of her and sat down in it backwards, straddling the back. "So, you got plans for tonight?"

"My group's getting together," she said. She tapped the paper in front of her. "I'm reviewing what we did last time. I've got to prepare my body to become a vessel for the Elder Gods, too…"

"Er," Shinji said. "I guess I'll leave you to that, then."

"Alright," Inada said, her eyes hazing over again and dropping back to the paper. She started muttering again, and Shinji left before the _weird_ started to become contagious.

…

OBJECTIVE THREE: KAORI MINAMI

He'd asked Yutaka what he should do if none of the girls said yes, and Yutaka had just laughed at him, which probably meant he wouldn't have to do anything else this stupid. Which was good, because right about now he was really, really hoping that Minami turned him down.

He caught her as she was walking home from school, looking down at something and smiling. From personal experience, he was pretty sure that it was one of those pop guys that she was sighing at all of the time. Shinji had no clue why any girl in _his_ class would bother sighing about a pop star when there was a more attractive guy that they were also never going to marry right in their class, but, whatever.

He caught up to her and, pressing _record,_ said "Hello."

She jumped, dropped the locket, and, blushing furiously, bent over and picked it up. Shinji waited, trying to keep a smile on his face, but he was pretty sure that the corner of his mouth was twitching.

She muttered something that sounded like a 'hello.'

"So, what are you doing tonight?" Shinji asked. Minami muttered something that he couldn't catch, so he leaned closer. "Sorry?"

"I'm busy," she said, raising her voice a little. She blushed again, and Shinji tried to imagine what 'busy' meant to her. She _was_ friends with Inada; maybe Inada had roped her into Dungeons & Dragons for the night.

"Oh," Shinji said. He hooked his thumbs in his pockets and looked up. He'd try one more thing, just because even though he didn't really want to go out with Minami, like, at all, he didn't want to be rejected. "What about right now? You got time to stop for a coffee?"

"W-with you?"

"Yeah, who else? You don't see Yutaka around, do you?" he asked. She seemed to consider it, and then shook her head wildly. Shinji blinked a few times. "Not that I'm desperate or anything, but why?"

"I've heard a lot of stories about you," Minami said, her voice threatening to drop into the 'unintelligible' zone again. "You're not a gentleman."

"But I'm so suave," Shinji said. He grinned. She was totally right. "So, that a no, then?"

Minami opened her mouth, closed it again, and eventually looked down at her locket again. Shinji held back a sigh. Really, who kept a locket anymore? Minami, apparently.

Eventually, she looked up.

"I'm busy today," she said again, before hurrying off, and Shinji pulled out the tape recorder.

"Well, little man, I do believe if I would have kept pushing, I could have cracked that one," he said. He paused. "Eh, maybe it'll be helpful to me in the future if she gets hot."

* * *

 **This was requested by a user on Tumblr who wanted Shinji to try and ask out those three girls after being dared to by Yutaka. And it was super fun to write, as Shinji always is, no matter if I take him seriously or not. This was definitely a 'not serious' one, but I hope it was enjoyable!**


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